Hello to everyone I've haven't seen in awhile

I'm struggling with my lack of social interaction. Not to say that I am lonely and I desire to speak to and be around my friends and other people. You see I don't mind being alone so much. My thoughts are so scattered that most of the time I'm too lost within my own mind to even remember I'm alone. But this also doesn't mean I like being alone all the time.

Sure I probably need more alone time than other people. And I hate large social gatherings, but I like meeting new people, and I love having in depth conversations with people. I love to listen to people and trying to understand them.

But my main problem with social interaction is my lack of motivation to keep in contact with my friends and any other people I have meet. This thought is driving me crazy, because there are people who I used to talk to everyday that I haven't heard from in months or even years. And I put the blame upon myself, because if I truly cared about their friendship, why wouldn't I try harder to keep in contact? But at the same time I have to wonder, if they don't try to keep in contact with me, then why should I care? If they don't value my friendship, then why should I value theirs? Because I can't help it, thats why.

Many of my these people who I miss dearly, I have every intention of keeping in touch with, and want more than anything to talk to them on a regular basis... but I can't bring myself to pick up my phone and call or text them. I have some kind of mental block that prevents me from doing this, even when I lie awake at night wondering about them, and thinking about our past adventures.... I can't do it. I can't call them.

So I suppose, this blog is my way of reaching out to my friends and loves ones. I love and miss you guys even if I don't show it. And if you've been thinking about calling/ texting me, DO IT! (But just so you know, if you call me, make sure you leave message if I don't answer, because I probably won't call you back unless you leave me a voice mail message. Most of the time if you don't leave me a message I will disregard the call as a mistake or not important. Don't ask me why I do, I just do. Just leave a message. thanks.)

I want so badly to repair my relationships before they break down completely and are lost forever. Even more so now since everyone is moving around and away from MI and it's hurting economy. And this blog is my solution. This isn't facebook, so not everyone from my brothers to my boss can read this, but I won't be hiding it from them either.... I guess what I'm hoping to see is the people who care about me and miss me as well stumbling upon this and I will plead to these people: I don't expect you to call me every day, or even every week, but at least if you would like to check up on me, come here... cause I'll try to keep you updated from here if your willing to listen to me rant and rave.